---
title: "Solved Problem"
description: "A breakthrough in socializing, realizing conversations work differently than I thought, and reflecting on work habits."
date: "2019-11-07"
---

Today a magical thing happened. I accidentally solved my problem with having conversations with people.

I've always had trouble starting a conversation with anyone. I thought that asking questions like "how are you?" or "how was your day?" was stupid because they didn't give me any valuable information. So by thinking that way, I struggled with socializing.

But today I came to the realization that this is completely normal — asking casual questions. And this is brilliant. If I know how to start a conversation, I can talk with people more often, and I'll be less awkward around them. What's more, I boosted my self-esteem and started caring less about what people think about me. Previously I didn't really care either, but I wasn't very confident or sure about my actions.

I also realized that girls are actual human beings. I know that sounds weird, so let me explain. When I was talking with a girl, I had some filter on — I was choosing my words very carefully for no real reason. But recently I stopped doing that, and the results are awesome. You can actually just have a normal conversation.

I watched *The Society* and it gave me a lot to think about. I really didn't expect to come away with thoughts from a teen drama TV show. I kept thinking: how would I and my friends deal with a similar situation?

I've slowly started to regret some of my life decisions. I have a job and that's great, but I am so not qualified for it. I know how to code and I think I'm a decent coder, but the job turned out not to be about coding that much. There are so many things I wasn't prepared for.

Also, school gave me bad habits around deadlines — I'm used to doing all my homework or school projects just one day before the deadline. And that is **so wrong** in the real world. I need to start sticking to my schedule.

So I have a few things to work on. One: I have to really get to work. Two: I have to prepare my TED Talk for the Erasmus thing. Three: I have to finally ask my crush out. Hopefully I'll do all of it by the end of November.

See ya!
